Oscar season is in full swing, and 2014 has come to its close. In many ways, it’s both a blessing and a curse. The end of the year towards the first half of January finally gives us a chance to witness many of the year’s best and most anticipated films, usually the raved Oscar heavyweights. However, it also usually yields some truly horrendous new releases as well. But January isn’t the only month we get some truly awful films. For every Birdman, there will also be a Left Behind. For every How to Train Your Dragon 2, there’s a Planes: Fire and Rescue. So, like I did, last year, I’m counting down the worst 2014 films I saw, but rather than five, I’m increasing this year’s slate to ten to unleash some bottled up negativity on these awful movies.
I saw a total of about 74 films this year, and while I don’t consider 2014 to be a bad year for movies, compared to last year’s slate of releases, it had by far less variety, overloaded by sequels and the like (even those that I liked), so much so that a movie where Seth Rogen shoves a tracer up his butt is now part of American history. In spite of what wholly original films I saw, it also yielded just as many that were vile and insulting. Keep in mind that I haven’t seen some reportedly horrible titles like Left Behind, Sex Tape, God’s Not Dead, The Legend of Hercules, Quija, Grace of Monaco, or Exodus: Gods and Kings (Because I’d prefer to see something I might actually enjoy), so this is limited exclusively to my worst experiences.
Not quite making it on this list is The Expendables 3, a mildly fun movie that unfortunately lacks any of the same spark and witty chemistry that made the first two films enjoyable. Also just missing out is the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a generally inoffensive and harmless movie, but is too overly rushed and underdeveloped to recommend. This is Where I Leave You had a charming and A-Game cast all across the board, but saddled them with thoroughly mediocre characterizations and dialogue, as well as a wildly undisciplined tone. The Amazing Spiderman 2 suffered from an overload of subplots and characters, highlighting obvious interference from Sony, and saved only by the chemistry of its two leads. Meanwhile, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever may not have gotten a theatrical release, but is such a bizarre and nonsensical movie that, oddly enough, I think you should check out to believe.
As for the real top ten, I’ve not had the “honor” of reviewing most of them, so this list will also act as a review page for them.
With that said, let’s begin.