A Disney+ double feature: Lady and the Tramp and Noelle.

I have to say I'm ashamed of myself. In my weak state of mind, I did something I promised myself I wasn't gonna do...

I tried out Disney+.

In a world where Netflix and Amazon dominate the digital streaming marketplace, the Mouse House just couldn't resist putting their names in the Goblet of Fire, launching their own service with their own content for viewers to consume. If anyone were to do it, Disney made the most sense, boasting thousands of movies and TV shows across their eight decade history. Whether it be their own in-house live-action and animation studios, or their acquisitions like Star Wars, Marvel, and the films of Fox (The Greatest Showman is officially a Disney musical now).

That said, I was always hesitant to sign up for it. Even though Disney is one of my most nostalgic childhood staples, I'm growing increasingly wary and cynical of them as a corporation. But even then, I knew my curiosity couldn't be contained, and I had to give it a try. Where else can I binge the entirety of Darkwing Duck?

And like Netflix and Amazon, Disney+ came with its own original content, including two movies on launch day. To start, I immediately turned my attention to those, so before I commit to my mass Darkwing Duck marathon, let's talk about them.

Lady and the Tramp:

When I call this one of the better live-action Disney remakes this year, that's less a credit to the film's quality, and more to speak of how dishwater dull they've been. Of all the live-action remakes to come this year, Lady and the Tramp always felt like the odd one out. I love the original film, but it's not the type you think of and say "worldwide box office smash." But perhaps that off the wall thinking could be a boon to it, and result in a pleasant surprise... Or not, and it's just fine, but completely unremarkable.

I feel like I could practically copy and paste my thoughts on Aladdin and The Lion King, in that while this may have some nice updates for the time we live in, there's very little room for surprise in this movie, given that it's the same exact film just in a shinier package. Aside from some small deviations, it follows practically the same rhythms and beats of its original inspiration. Also like those films, what changes they do make aren't always for the better, as often all it really does is dilute the original scenes in some way.

While individual scenes can be entertaining on their own terms, the whole doesn't come together, as there's something so painfully literal about its faithfulness. But there was one example of change that didn't pan out, that being the necessary alteration of the Siamese cats, which would not fly by today's standards. That whole sequence gets reimagined as a Janelle Monae written swing number, that completely took me out of the film with how out of place it felt.

That said, there is still plenty to enjoy about this movie, and there is such a sweetness running all the way through it, even if as a dog lover, I am somewhat disappointed by the abuse of CGI. When it comes to the facial expressions, while there are cases where the faces feel lifeless, the animals show an effective range of expression and personality. Alas, that does come at odds with the physicality, as the CGI - solid as it is - is laid on so thick, it distracts from the sometimes impressive animal training. At times it's necessary, including one genuinely funny scene where a dog fakes rabies, but at other points it's an unnecessary blemish.

That then leaves the cast, which makes use of a huge list of name talent. With a busy last few years, Tessa Thompson has proven herself a reliable, and ever charismatic performer that can elevate her material, which she continues to do with Lady, gracing her with such a lovely and ever-so-charming tone. But the real surprise is Justin Theroux as Tramp, who sounds like he's having a lot of fun in the role, playing up the character's rugged and roguish swagger and nonchalance, with a penchant for straight-faced humor. Together, they play off of each other very well, often elevating scenes purely on their performance and chemistry. Sadly, the same quality isn't afforded to the other voice actors, as the likes of Sam Elliot, Ashley Jensen, and the aforementioned Monae spend so much time pushed to the sidelines, and while they have their charms (particularly Jensen's moments of humor), it's never anything particularly special.

Ultimately, it's a fine appetizer for the service, and honestly a much better talking animal movie than The Lion King despite the lower budget, but it's yet another addition to the pile of unremarkable remakes.


**1/2 / *****

Noelle:

I'm a sucker for Christmas movies, and every year, I'm always ready and on the hunt for the next great classic, the next Love Actually and Arthur Christmas to add to my yearly marathon. I've already been looking this year, having seen Paul Feig's Last Christmas (which was bad, to be honest), but I was also hoping that Disney's Noelle could satisfy my thirst. To put it bluntly, it did not. If anything, while it was playing, it may have had a reverse-Grinch effect on me, shrinking my heart three sizes.

If Noelle has any *one* thing in its favor, it is undoubtedly Anna Kendrick. It's not a role that in any way challenges her, as it's yet another in her string of snarky, bubbly rays of sunshine characters, but so long as she works with that mold, I'm still taken in by it. Kendrick has always been a vibrant and ever-reliable performer, with just a little of her natural charm and humor going a long way, which continue to serve her with Noelle, where she has such an added sweetness to her, embodying that Christmas magic that she holds near and dear to her heart. It shows once again, through sheer determination, how capable she is of elevating even her worst material.

But even that isn't enough, because despite her best efforts, this movie is terrible. When I brought up Arthur Christmas earlier, that wasn't merely as an example, but because that's the benchmark this movie so desperately wants to hit. From the very start, it's impossible not to be distracted by the similarities, with its family squabbling that fuels much of the main conflict, the desire to update the North Pole into an Amazon Prime style delivery service, and the discovery and meaning of what "Christmas magic" really is. Noelle tries to aim for those same standards, but lacks the same level of invention or skill of that film. What inventions it does have isn't even that remarkable, with such mind-blowing concepts as "Why can't Santa be a woman," that at best are barely tapped or even commented on, and at worst come across as cynical pandering.

But even putting aside the comparisons to Arthur Christmas, even as its own entity, this movie's cardinal sin is how relentlessly boring it is. While Kendrick herself can be commended for her charm, there is virtually nothing charming to the actual film itself. It's a clumsy mess of a film that can't even sustain decent humor, with many of the gags falling miserably on their face, with at least several comic bits taken directly from Elf at that. Not only that, but the film has such an unearned sentimentality running through it, only rarely ever feeling legitimately sweet in intention, and instead more often feels mechanical and bland. It's also a sad waste of a talented cast, that includes Bill Hader and Shirley MacLaine among its ranks, who deserve far better than the material they're handed, and the weak humor they're forced to spout.

Too often does Noelle feel like a blatant product to be sold, which isn't helped by, I kid you not, some of the worst, most invasive product placement I have EVER seen in a film. It's immediately noticeable, with floor tiles in the opening scene bearing Mickey Mouse ears, and it only gets worse from there. Nintendo Switch games, Petco, Hot Topic (is that even relevant anymore), Supercuts, and many more are shoved down your throat with the subtlety of a neon marquee, but I think the most infuriating may have been the iPad, which becomes a tiresome running gag through the whole film, repeating the joke of "kid wants iPad" ad nauseum. If I ever hear the word iPad again, it'll be too soon.

So yeah, I really didn't like Noelle, and having now seen both recent Christmas films, I'd sooner take Last Christmas. Because for all the issues I had with it, at least it didn't anger or bore me in the same way that this did. Rather than inspire cheer, all it really does it aggravate you, and make you wish you could be watching something much better. It's practically begging for a lump of coal in its stocking. Preferably one shaped like an iPad.


*1/2 / *****